Mera Joy Aniolga

SilverEALIZATION

In Event, Personal on April 16, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I want this.

Three hours from now, I will be 25. The life expectancy of a female Filipina as of the year 2011 is 74.74 years. It means I have another 50 years to live. Forgive me, I’m poor in Math. I could be wrong about the 50 years.

25 years is a long time. If I look back at my life right now, I think I may have wasted it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life right now. I have no regrets, no I have a few regrets but I can live with it. I have the best boyfriend in the world, I have a close circle of couple friends, I have high school buddies ready to beat up anyone who hurts me, my parents are together, I get to pay my bills on time and Incubus is coming to July in the Philippines. What more could I ask for?

Back when I was 20, I thought 25 would be the perfect age for marriage. I thought 25 is old. But now that I am minutes away from being 25, I realize that age is nothing but just a number indeed. I may be 25 but I’m still just a kid.

Some 25-year-olds run for public office, some support a family while some formulate cure for AIDS and other incurable diseases. I am not and will never be interested in politics. I am too under-qualified to be a chemist and I’m definitely not in a position to start a family. Financially, that is.Emotionally, I don’t know.

Clearly, I am at a point where I am “not unhappy” with my life right now. I have this pre-birthday blues probably because of last week’s issue with my friend Jonjee. It could also be due to Melcy’s departure without her trying to kiss and make up with me. It could also be due to my ballooning weight and my shrinking self-confidence.

While some of these reasons I am not a hundred and one percent sure. There is one among the many things that I can be certain of,  I love the life that I am living now but I certainly don’t want to stay this way forever.

25 is like the “puberty” of adult life. You are not young anymore but you are not that old. When I look at the mirror, I don’t like what I have become. Really! It’s not just because of my “big” appearance but because of the way I lived my life. I wasted time, people and money. I gained a lot of experiences. I saw a lot of things. I have a good life. I live for the moment and that’s what I want to change.

There is nothing wrong with living for the moment. In a perfect world, I’d be a tree hugging hippie who does not have a single care in the world. But the world is far from perfect and so is my life.

Now if only I can find a way to balance this. I have to think of my future. I am not going to be 25 forever. I won’t be able to work in front of my computer all day long. ( This reminds me of my Philhealth and SSS responsibilities.) I can’t be mad at my friends for all eternity. I can’t go on hating people just because they are air-heads.

It is a good thing that I realized all these while I’m just turning 25. As I’ve said, it’s not too young but not too old. I can still change things. If my life expectancy is indeed 74, I still have 50 years or so to change, to be the person that I want to be so that hopefully on my next birthday, I can look at myself in the mirror and smile at the person that I have become or is slowly trying to become.

Cheers!

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