Mera Joy Aniolga

Breaking break ups down

In Personal on September 5, 2011 at 5:31 am

I had my first boyfriend when I was 19, we are still together until now. The concept of heartbreak, Ex-bf and break ups are all foreign to me. I have had moments when I’ve seen my unreachable crushes with girls and I felt a pang of something in my gut, envy may be but we never had a relationship so its not as painful or as serious as that of seeing your long time lover walking hand in hand with their new lover.

And to be honest, it’s not something that I am looking forward to feel or anything.

My friend who have had two break ups describes the act of someone leaving you in exchange of someone better as similar to a thousand stabs in the heart. Now I know why they say things like “a part of me died when you left”. I haven’t been stabbed as well but it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that stab wounds are painful, much more if there are thousands of them, it can kill.

As if dealing with break ups is not painful enough, there is the chance of bumping into each other or if you belong to the same circle of friends, the awkwardness when the need to say, hang out together arises. If you are the leaving party or if you have someone new then it’s not that painful anymore but imagine the pain of the single one or say, the guilty one. I imagine it to be excruciatingly painful. You need to be civil to the new lover of your ex lover, you need to keep a cool facade in front of your ex lover and worst, you silently deal with the insecurity demons in your head. You look at the new lover’s signatured jeans and you compare it with your own tattered jeans. You look at the new lover’s perfect nose and you compare it with your crooked nose.

In the movies which I know is closely similar to real life, there are break downs, fights and backbiting as the ex lovers tell his side and her side of the story to other people. This is the dirty part of break ups. Things which only the both of you know are now broadcasted to other people which of course wil be broadcasted to other people soon. I had this friend who just broke up with her boyfriend. We are close to them both, as a couple and invidiually. Right in the middle of dinner she was blurting out reasons as to why she left him. “We don’t even have sex anymore, just once a week or so.” Ha! What we used to did not know now we know because she told us about their oh so active sex life. I mean if you are a couple, legal couple like husband and wife it is but natural to make love every single day but if you live in separate houses, how do you do it?

Break ups are dirty, break ups are painful. Yes,they are like wounds which hurt you and expose you to others. Now I know why the song “Tell me where it hurts” was such a hit to many. What I thought was a song for doctors, nurses and other medical people who make things better, who heals diseases and other sicknesses was based on experience. The writer who may have relationships before they were 19 and ex overs know the pain that is brought about by the thing that most if not all people dread the most, break ups.


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